One Screwed Up Night
by nauyro
Summary: Due to the effects of some hallucinogens, the Strawhat pirates lose their minds. Sanji masturbates, Luffy marries Nami, Robin strips, and all hell breaks lose...


xxxx One Screwed Up Night xxxx

The Mugiwara pirates all sat around the bar, Zoro chugging down his fifth mug of whiskey, Usopp fighting with Luffy over a sandwich, Chopper napping on Robin's lap, Sanji moping about the lack of women, Brooke having what would seem at first to be a sophisticated conversation with Robin, but what was really his attempt at getting her to reveal the color of her undergarments, and Nami arguing with Franky about the amount of money he spent on cola.

"You spent nearly our entire savings!" Nami hissed, standing up from her stool as she glared at Franky. "We only docked at this island a few hours ago and the log doesn't set until tomorrow! Now not only can we not buy any other supplies, but we can't even pay for a place to sleep! And it's night time! We barely had enough to buy some food and drinks here!"

Franky shifted his weight uncomfortably in his seat, trying to avoid the fuming navigator's demonic glare. "W-Well, you see..." the blue haired man began, sweating slightly as he rubbed his head, "..it...it was an emergency, okay! I didn't have a choice!"

"An emergency!?" Nami repeated, her facing getting redder by the second. "Why the hell would you need cola in an emergency!?"

Franky ground his teeth for a moment, then abruptly exclaimed, "It wouldn't go up, alright!"

Nami stepped back and stared at Franky in confusion. "What are you talking about!?"

"It's like this!" the cyborg began, slamming his fist against the counter. "I was going to take a bath this morning and figured no one was in the bathing room since the door was slightly open. But when I opened it...When I opened it..." Franky slammed his fist against the table again. "...I saw Nico Robin, naked, bathing herself!"

At his sudden, loud outburst, Robin (as well as the rest of the Strawhats, minus Chopper who was asleep) all turned to stare at the blue haired man who was waving his hands above him in emphasis.

"W-What does that have to do with anything!?" the navigator snapped.

"I'm getting to it!" he snapped back, either unaware of or not caring that the rest of the crew was listening to him. "I figured she must have just forgotten to close and lock the door, so I quickly left and began to walk away...But it was then that I noticed something!"

Nami frowned. "What!"

"I wasn't positive, so I went back and opened the door again. But this is the most unbelievable part!" Franky continued, clearly assuming that he had nothing to be ashamed of. "I watched Nico Robin bathe for the next ten minutes, and nothing happened!"

Nami cringed and took another step back. At the same time, Zoro lifted his face from his mug and let out a loud, confused, "Haaaaaah?"

"I know!" exclaimed Franky. "I was surprised too! But it's true, nothing happened! I saw every part of her body, and she's even waxed, but it wouldn't go up!"

At this point, Robin had crossed her arms over her chest and with a calm expression, she said "Dos Fleur." causing two hands to pop up between Franky's inner thighs. Oblivious to this, Franky went on, "I knew something was wrong, so I came up with a hypothesis: it's possible that I need cola in order to get an - " Franky was cut off as Robin announced "Clutch!" and clamped her sprouted hands around Franky's unsuspecting nether regions. The cyborg immediately let out a scream as he fell to the floor in agony.

Nami stared at him for a moment in disgust before sighing and turning to the rest of the crew. "Well, in any case, it seems we'll have to spend the night on the ship." she said sadly, rubbing her forehead. "After spending a week out at sea, I had really been hoping to sleep on land though..."

"Hahaha!" laughed Luffy, finally managing to snatch the sandwhich away from Usopp and stuff it in his mouth. "Wha guz id magga? We gob bood! (What does it matter? We got food!)" Sanji raised an eyebrow at Luffy. "Well this is a first. It's not like you to be content with just one sandwich." Luffy stopped chewing and stared at Sanji for a moment before he suddenly spit the food out and wailed "WHAT!? You mean we can't buy any more!"

"That's what I've been saying!" shouted Nami, smacking Luffy's head as she wiped a piece of his chewed sandwich off her cheek.

Behind the bar counter, the bartender whispered something into the ear of a short man. The short man snickered and nodded, then snuck under the counter table and slipped something into Luffy's front pocket.

"But I'm hungry!" Luffy protested, standing up and stomping his foot. "I can't be satisfied with just this!"

"Well there's nothing we can do." sighed Usopp, rubbing his empty stomach. "We have no money left."

Brooke suddenly stood up and pounded his skeletal fist against his hand. "I believe I have an idea!" he announced.

"W-What is it?" asked Nami, slightly hopeful.

"Well, it first requires that I see your - " Brooke was cut off as Nami kicked him in the face, sending him back into his chair. "NO."

"Well, any other ideas?" asked Zoro as he stood up and stretched. "If there aren't, I say we head back to the ship."

"That's probably for the best." agreed Robin, who was still tightly clenching her fists as Franky rolled around on the ground, wheezing and writhing in pain. "There are quite a few pirates in this town, and from the information I've gathered, it gets fairly rowdy at night."

"Well it's settled then." said Nami. "Let's just go."

"Excuse me," said the bartender suddenly. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. And I was wondering..." He pointed to Luffy's front pocket where a large roll of cash was sticking out. "It seems like you have quite a bit there. You should be able to get a full meal with that."

Everyone stared at Luffy's pocket for a moment, then Nami pounced forward and snatched the cash out. She took a moment to count it, then exclaimed, "This is over 50,000 beri!" She hit Luffy over the head. "Idiot! Where did you get this!? And why didn't you say you had it!?"

Luffy looked confused. "Eh? I don't remember that being there..."

Nami sighed. "Well, it doesn't matter. With this, we should be able to eat and get a place to sleep."

"YAHOO!" exclaimed Luffy, spinning around in his chair and slamming his hands down over the bar counter. "Ossan! MEAT!"

"Well this is nice." said Zoro, sitting back down.

"Awesome!" exclaimed Usopp, slapping his stomach eagerly.

"Maybe if we stay later, some women will show up...!" Sanji said, grinning.

"Food!" hollered Chopper, who had woken up a few minutes prior.

The bartender set nine mugs full of some type of drink down on the counter. "How about I start you all off with some drinks? They're on the house!"

"Eh? Really?" asked Nami. The bartender smiled and nodded. "They're today's special! Why don't you all give them a try while I start making the food!"

Zoro grinned. "I think I like this place."

Each of the Strawhats, aside from Franky who was now unconscious and foaming from the mouth, grabbed a mug and began to drink. As they did, the bartender, as well as many rough looking men around the tavern, started to smile.

"This is really good!" exclaimed Luffy, taking his mouth off the mug and laughing.

"I'm glad you think so." a voice came from behind them. The Strawhats all turned around to face the entrance of the tavern where a bulky man had just entered, his arms around two women. The man snorted. "Hehe. What you just drank...Had hallucinogens in it. You should start feeling the effects in less than a minute." Everyone in the bar started to laugh.

"W-What!" gasped Nami, dropping her mug to the floor.

"Hehe...it seems you didn't do your research before you came here, Mugiwara pirates..." the bulky man snickered. "This bar is a hangout for bounty hunters...! And the moment you guys lose your minds, we're going to capture you and get that giant reward!"

"Like hell you are!" Zoro yelled, leaping off his seat and drawing his blades as he ran towards the man.

The man snickered again. "I'd say the effects should be kicking in right about..."

Zoro suddenly stopped running and stumbled to the side, knocking a table over as he fell down. Usopp barfed and his face hit the counter. Robin, Chopper, Brooke, Luffy, Nami, and Sanji all got weird expressions on their faces. "Now's the time, guys." the bulky man grunted. "Tie them all up." All the men in the tavern stood up and started walking towards the Strawhats. "Looks like everything worked out perfectly." the man said, bringing a cigar to his mouth.

One of the men reached for Zoro and was about to grab his arm when the swordsman suddenly jolted onto his feet and smashed the man's face in with the back of his hand, sending him crashing against the wall of the tavern.

"You bastard..." Zoro muttered, glaring at the bulky man.

"W-What!?" the bulky man exclaimed. "This shouldn't be possible! Those hallucinogens were the real deal! It shouldn't be possible to - "

"GIVE ME THOSE WOMEN!" Zoro thundered, pointing at the two women at the man's sides.

Everyone in the bar fell silent for a few seconds.

"...Huh?" the man finally said, confused.

"Those women..." Zoro began, knocking a guy out of his way as he stepped forward. "No...All women! ALL WOMEN BELONG TO ME!"

Zoro rushed forward and slammed his fist into the man's gut, sending him flying out the door of the tavern and into the street outside.

"Y-You bastard!" shouted one of the men. "Everyone, get him!"

All the men in the bar charged at Zoro. Within seconds, they had all been sent flying out the door and into the street with broken bones and torn viscera.

Zoro turned to look at the two women. Before he could act, they had raced out the door in fear. "Hey!" he yelled. "Where are you going!" The swordsman slammed his fist against the wall. "The women...! All the women in this town belong to me now.." he muttered. He slowly stepped out of the tavern and began walking down the street.

Usopp's head suddenly shot up from the counter. He looked at his dazed crew mates. Then he looked at the pile of bodies outside the tavern. He stood up and wobbled slightly, then put his hand to his chin and smiled. "I think...I can assess the situation..." he said groggily. "And now...I shall come up with a great scheme..."

The sharpshooter walked up to Chopper and shook him. "Huh...Eh...?" Chopper mumbled as he stared at Usopp. "Who...Who am I...?"

Usopp shook his head. "Don't ask such stupid questions...! It doesn't matter WHO you are! It matters WHAT you are!"

Chopper's eyes widened. "T-Then, what am I!? Please tell me!"

Usopp patted the reindeer on the shoulder.

"You are the bartender!" he exclaimed. "Now get behind the bar! You'll be serving customers soon!"

"Okay!" shouted Chopper, changing into his human form and jumping behind the bar counter.

Next Usopp walked up to Brooke, and was about to shake him when the skeleton suddenly stood up.

"Let me tell you what you are!" shouted Usopp.

"There is no need!" replied Brooke. "I know very well what I am! I am a knight protecting my kingdom! I shall protect you all with my life!" At the same time, Sanji suddenly stood up. He immediately started to cry. "No woman will ever love me!" the cook sobbed. "Why!? Why is life so cruel!?" Sanji reached into his pants, grabbed what one could only assume to be his genitalia, then ran out of the tavern.

Usopp wobbled for a moment and stared at Luffy, Robin, and Nami, who had yet to stand up and were still looking fairly dazed. After a moment, he turned around and stumbled to the door.

People had begun to gather around the tavern.

"No way..." said a pirate, gaping at the knocked out bounty hunters lying on the ground. "That infamous "Head Hunter"...He and his entire crew have been defeated...!"

"Who the hell could have done that!?" shouted another pirate.

"IT WAS THE MUGIWARA PIRATES!" Usopp suddenly shouted as he stepped out onto the street. The dozens of people who had gathered all turned to look at him.

"That's right!" exclaimed Usopp. "These fiends were defeated by the crew of Mugiwara no Luffy, the man who took down Enies Lobby! The man with a bounty of 300,000,000 beri on his head!"

"W-What!?" shouted a bunch of people from the crowd. "That infamous Strawhat guy!?"

"He's in this town!?"

"DO NOT FEAR!" Usopp suddenly yelled. "The Mugiwara pirates are not here to harm you! In fact, now that we have taken over this tavern, we invite everyone in the town to come in! The drinks are all free! All you have to do is praise me! And the rest of the crew."

There was silence for a moment as the pirates looked back and forth between one another. Then, all at once, they broke out into cheers.

"That damned "Head Hunter" is finally dead! Hooray for Mugiwara!"

"And he's giving us all free drinks!"

"UWOOOOOOHHHHH!"

The pirates all began rushing into the tavern. They ran up to the bar, but were immediately stopped by Brooke, who held out his sword and shouted, "Stay back, fiends!"

"UWAAAA!" a pirate screamed. "A skeleton!"

"I already told you to have no fear!" Usopp bellowed, running past Brooke and standing on top of the bar counter. "This skeleton is our nakama! He will not hurt you as long as you pay us your respects!" The pirates fell silent again for a few moments, then they all broke out into cheers once more.

"HOORAY FOR MUGIWARA!"

"MUGIWARA!"

Brooke let them by and they crowded around Luffy, who was still in a daze.

"So you're that famous Strawhat Luffy!?" a pirate exclaimed.

"Thanks for defeating those bounty hunters!" shouted another. "They were causing us a lot of trouble!"

"You're the greatest, Mugiwara!"

The tavern was quickly filled with dozens of pirates sitting around every table and ordering drinks from Chopper. Many of them were trying to talk to Luffy, but he remained dazed. After a short while, Robin suddenly stood up. "Ohhhh!" a pirate chanted. "That pretty nee-chan has finally gotten up!" Robin took in her surroundings for a moment, then sat up on the bar counter, crossed her legs, and crossed her arms over her chest. In an instant, the walls and ceiling of the bar were covered with dozens of Robin's breasts.

Many of the pirates spit their drinks out while others fell off their chairs.

"Behold!" exclaimed Usopp. "This is the Devil's Fruit ability of our nakama, Robin!"

"UWOOOOOH!" the pirates hollered. "Way to go, Robin!"

They waved their arms in the air and whistled as the archaeologist made her private body parts sprout across the room.

Next to snap out of the daze was Luffy. The Strawhat captain suddenly bolted up onto his feet.

"It's Mugiwara! Mugiwara no Luffy's finally stood up!"

"I wonder what he's going to do! This is exciting!"

Luffy looked around him for a moment until he saw Nami sitting a few seats away from him. He quickly walked up to her, grabbed her hands in his, and yelled, "NAMI!"

Nami blinked and jumped slightly as she snapped out of her daze. "E-Eh? L-Luffy...?" Luffy stared Nami in the eyes and said, "Nami! Marry me!"

"UWOOOOOOOH!" the pirates all hollered again. "Mugiwara just proposed!"

"Way to go Mugiwara!"

"O-Okay!" Nami quickly replied.

Usopp jumped up on the counter and kicked Brooke in the back of his head. "What are you waiting for!?" the sniper snapped. "Hurry up and make them married!"

"Ah, right, of course." Brooke said, putting his fingers to his mouth and coughing. "Eh hem. Let's see...Ah yes, you are now married. Please give the finishing kiss."

Luffy immediately cupped Nami's face and pulled her mouth to his.

"They kissed!"

"Mugiwara just got married!"

"Kanpai!"

After a few seconds, Luffy broke the kiss then pulled his face back to look Nami in the eyes. "Nami! Let's have kids! Now!"

"Okay..." she replied. "Anything for you, Luffy..."

Luffy immediately threw off his vest, then grabbed Nami's shirt and pulled it over her head.

"Whoa! No way!" someone shouted. "They're gonna do it right here!"

"That Mugiwara's a real man!"

"And that Nami's a cute one! This I wanna see!"

"Hey, don't say that! Mugiwara will kill you! Gahahahaha!"

Within seconds Luffy and Nami were completely undressed and on the floor kissing. The whole tavern whistled and hollered as Luffy massaged Nami's chest and she ran her arms up and down his back.

Robin began to strip as well, causing more cheers.

Soon Zoro entered the tavern surrounded by a group of at least ten girls. He walked with them to a large couch in the back of the bar where they all sat down, each girl trying to get as close to Zoro as possible.

"UWOOOOOOOH!" the tavern cheered again.

"Hooray for Mugiwara!"

xx

Meanwhile, in a desolate part of the town, Sanji stood on the roof of a building, his pants halfway down, wailing as he masturbated.

"Why!?" the cook sobbed, his voice echoing through the dark alleyways and empty streets. "Why will no woman love me!? I just want love!"

A man stuck his head out the window of a room a few floors down. "Shut up!" he yelled. "I'm trying to sleep!"

"Uwaaaaaah!" Sanji cried as he stroked himself faster. "I'll never find love! No woman will ever want me!"

"I said shut the hell up!" the man shouted.

Sanji looked up to the sky as he continued to tug and bawl. "Whyyyyyy!? Why can't I be loved!?"

"How many times do I have to tell you to shut up before you - " the man stopped as he got a better look at the cook. "What the hell!? Are you playing with yourself!?"

"Uwooooohhhhh!"

"Hey, stop that!" the man yelled. "That's disgusting!"

"Waaaaaahhhh!"

"I said stop that!" he yelled again, waving his fist. "Don't make me come up there!"

"WHYYYYY!" Sanji hollered as he reached ejaculation and shot his seed off the roof, where it landed on the man's unsuspecting face.

"What the hell is this!?" the man shouted as he wiped the foul stuff off him. "Wait, is this...!? OH! That's disgusting! That's it! I'm coming up there!"

"Uwaaaaaahhhh!" Sanji wailed.

xx

Luffy feverishly kissed Nami's breasts as she sat on top of him, their connected bodies rocking back and forth.

"This is awesome!" shouted a pirate.

"Great show, Mugiwara!"

"You sure can hold it in a while, huh, Mugiwara!"

"It must be thirty minutes now since they got serious!"

Robin sat naked and cross legged on the bar counter, smiling as pirates whistled at her and tried to convince her to let them sit with her.

Zoro stayed surrounded by the large group of girls as he sat with his arms crossed, frowning.

Meanwhile, Chopper continued to serve drinks while Brooke guarded Robin, and Usopp stood behind the bar with Chopper, demanding every few minutes that everyone chant his name.

"L-Luffy...! Luffy...!" Nami moaned as she neared her climax, Luffy in close pursuit. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a deep kiss as they resonated, their movements increasing in speed.

Finally, he sat up and held her against him as he released himself into her, earning another wave of shouts and cheers from the surrounding pirates.

xx

"Why!?" Sanji sobbed. "Why will no woman love me!?"

"I understand your pain..." said the man through tears as he sat next to Sanji on the roof top. "No woman has ever loved me either..."

"Uwoooohh!" Sanji cried, burying his face in his hands.

The man put his arm around Sanji's shoulder. "I know..." he said, crying. "I completely understand...!"

Sanji continued to bawl.

"That's why..." the man went on, rubbing Sanji's shoulder, "...I gave up on women..."

xx

It was halfway into the night when a certain blue haired cyborg suddenly sat up.

"Hnnn?" Franky mumbled as he rubbed his eyes and adjusted them to the dark. "Where am I..."

When his eyes were finally adjusted, they nearly fell out.

"WHAAAAAAA!?"

Franky jumped to his feet and looked every which way across the room. He didn't know how to comprehend what he was seeing. Luffy and Nami were asleep on the floor and holding each other naked. Robin was lying over the bar counter nude with her legs spread apart and Brooke's head resting on her stomach. Zoro was lying on a couch snoring, surrounded by at least ten girls. Usopp and Chopper were asleep amidst a huge number of sleeping pirates.

Sanji was nowhere to be seen.

"W-What the hell is going on!?" Franky exclaimed. "Just what happened while I was asleep!?"

xx

Nami awoke to the sound of men laughing and walking around. She slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"Oh, Mugiwara girl!" someone suddenly shouted. "Hehe you're awake, huh? You two were incredible last night! You should do that for us again some time!"

Nami quickly looked around her and tried to grasp her surroundings. She was in the tavern. There were a lot of men who seemed to be pirates and were getting up and yawning. She looked down.

She was naked.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

All the pirates in the room instantly turned to look at her. Zoro, Usopp, Robin, Chopper, and Brooke all woke up. Nami covered her chest with her hands and looked around in horror at all the gawking pirates. She screamed again.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"W-What are you screaming for!?" shouted a pirate. "Don't tell me you're embarrassed??"

"No way! After what she did with Mugiwara last night," another one of the pirates said, pointing to Luffy who she just noticed was asleep next to her, "I wouldn't think ANYTHING could embarrass her!"

Nami gasped.

She was naked. Luffy was lying naked next to her. And she just noticed there was some blood between her legs.

"...It can't be..." she muttered.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Zoro suddenly shouted as he sat up. The swordsman looked around himself in utter horror. He was surrounded by girls, some half naked, and his shirt wasn't on.

He had no idea what was going on, but he knew he had to get away from it. After shoving piles of females out of his path, he ran across the room and out the door.

Robin was hiding behind the bar counter as she attempted to redress, while Usopp, Chopper, and Brooke just stood silently, trying to understand what was happening.

Nami quickly crawled across the room looking for her clothes, trying not to think about the fact that these unknown men were able to see her body as she did so.

Luffy slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Where am I..." he mumbled.

"Mugiwara!" exclaimed a pirate. "Everyone, Mugiwara's finally awake!"

"HOORAY FOR MUGIWARA!" everyone in the bar cheered.

"Huh? What?" Luffy said as he stood up, scratching his head.

"...It seems none of us can recall what happened last night." said Brooke, to which Usopp and Chopper nodded nervously. "Perhaps these pirates can explain the situation to us..."

xx

Sanji opened his eyes to the sound of someone's snoring. He rubbed his forehead and began to sit up, his body sinking into the cushions of a bed as he did so. He looked around him. He was in a small room with a bed. He looked down. He was naked. He looked to his left. There was a fat, hairy man snoring next to him.

Sanji tried to understand his situation. But however hard he tried, his mind didn't seem to want to let him reach the apparent conclusion. He stayed silent for a full minute, looking back and forth between himself and the naked, snoring man lying next to him.

As the minute went by, he began to feel a pain in his rectum.

At the end of the minute, he finally realized what was going on.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he thundered.

The horrified cook fell off the side of the bed and scampered backwards until his back hit the wall. This caused his sleeping partner to stir.

The fat man sat up and looked at Sanji. "Oh, Sanji. You're awake." He smiled. "Want to go another round?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sanji roared again, this time jumping to his feet, kicking the door open and running out.

"Wait!" called the man from behind him. "I love you!"

xx

"W-WHAT!?" shrieked Nami, her hands on her head.

"So you really don't remember anything??" the pirate asked. "Were you all really that drunk?"

Nami shook her head in disbelief as she sat with Robin, Usopp, Chopper, Brooke and Luffy while one of the pirates told them about what they had done the previous night.

Luffy sat with his arms crossed and a mixed look of nervousness and confusion on his face. Robin had her hand to her cheek as she sweated slightly. Usopp and Chopper's jaws were nearly touching the ground. Brooke's expression, as usual, was unreadable.

"Well, like I said," said the pirate to Nami, "you and Mugiwara got married, then gave us all a show and did it right in front of us!"

"Oh...no..." muttered Nami as she clutched the sides of her arms and shivered.

"I married Nami!?" asked Luffy, extremely confused.

"Then, black-haired nee-chan took off her clothes and used some ability to make her tits pop up all over the room!" the pirate continued.

Robin closed her eyes as she continued to sweat slightly.

"And then that green haired guy came in with this huge group of girls and they partied for hours!" he finished.

"N-No way..." breathed Usopp, looking back and forth between Luffy, Nami, and Robin.

"I wonder what caused all that..." said Brooke, rubbing his chin.

"W-What about Sanji and Franky!?" Chopper shouted.

"Who?" the pirate asked. "I didn't see anyone else..."

Nami stood up. "L-Let's just go back to ship..." she muttered between shivers.

xx

When they got to the ship, Zoro and Franky were there waiting for them. As Franky explained when they boarded, he had thought they had all gone crazy when he woke up during the night, so he decided it would be best for him to just sleep on the ship.

A few minutes later, a naked, pale-faced Sanji slowly walked on board.

"S-Sanji!" shouted Usopp. "What happened!?"

Sanji walked past Usopp wordlessly and entered the men's sleeping quarters.

"W-What happened to Sanji!?" exclaimed Chopper.

"Let's...just...get...off...this...island..." muttered Nami, her face in her hands.

Everyone agreed, and soon they were gone.


End file.
